Love is All Around: March 2009

To all my friends that just read my blog and know about what happen i'm really sorry coz not telling you all, i'm too upset and didn't have time to sms or calling. My hubby was responsible to spread the news but i guess he just tell a few persons. This months is the worst in my whole life accident and miscarriage, can you imagine what i've been through? So i hope dear friends and family please accept our apologizes.

20/03/2009 FRIDAY

On 20 March 2009 Friday night,I experience a little bleeding. So, I and husband went to nearby clinic yeah the same clinic I carried out ultrasound, i cant believe the doctor was so blurred even my fail in front of him he still asking many question is this your first child, when your first day of last period month, ever do ultrasound, when the bleeding started etc well as far as i know all the information was in my fail except the bleeding but that's why i go to his clinic to ask why i'm bleeding and to prevent from getting worst. Why don't he study and read first before call me very frustrating i know that his job asking but i am in pain hello...are you blind?. I already told him about my bleeding and that was the first bleeding, about the motorcycle incident but he still doing nothing until i said i want to do ultrasound to check my baby condition. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, the screen show nothing....why i cant see my baby? the doctor said maybe it's still too small but where the heartbeat i know i'm not doctor but i'm not dumb at least a spot with beat. Well what can i say his the doctor just follow what he said. The doctor gave me medicine to strengthen womb to prevent miscarriage.

22/03/2009 SUNDAY

I took the medicine till Sunday morning (22 March 2009) but my bleeding getting worst so we went to KL General Hospital go straight to emergency. I have to open fail first since i bought my clinic's book from KKIA the works seem easier cause they just took the information and ask what necessary. After that the nurse bought us to 1st floor and we wait for doctor to check me. Surprising me, the doctor that will examine me was a young Chinese man and i really embarrassed but the pain make me forget everything and of course i don't have choice. He ask me either i took any medicine, i said yes and gave him the medicine from the private clinic and he really in shock because the medicine only for women who have been experience miscarriage a couple times but not for women with first pregnancy. I'm not supposed to took that medicine but i did i took 4 pills, after this i'll not go to private clinic they will gave any pills without think the impact and causes the patient will face. For GOD sake, what they concern is money in and they give solution, consultations and medicine to their patient so greedy i'll not go to private clinic anymore. The young doctor advise me if any happen in future don't go to private clinic just go to HKL. There are so many test i faced and i cant described how painful the inspection especially the long scan thing and the triangle look alike funnel but more bigger. I don't know their name but i really hate both. The result? I have to stay in hospital for a couple days cause the doctor and specialist can't decided either miscarriage or Ectopic Pregnancy. I cant believe cause both of them will give negative effect in our live and change back everything that we already planned. I'll lose our first baby what i'm gonna tell my hubby, my family, my parent-in-law???? this morning my sister Nabila just giving birth to baby boy name Fauzan Nasrullah if i told them i'll ruined their happiness and mummy will sad.

When i warded, my hubby was the busiest person after register me he had sms everyone to tell them about my condition my brother Jun, my bestfriend Ana, My Officemate especially Afi and his family maybe. Around 6.30pm My bestfriend Ana with her husband Mizi came visit me. I was happy at least i don't have time to think about losing our baby, miscarriage or operation for ectopic. They stayed till visiting time finished at 7.30pm. Thanks ana that's really help to ease my pain, so what now my hubby cant stay and accompany me cause only women allowed plus it's still really early to leave me, My hubby was too sad to leave me so he stay till 9.00pm and went to buy my toiletries and slippers back again at 10.00pm just awhile because the Mak Guard came to warning all visitor to leave the ward. I got message from Afi, she and aisyah will visit me tomorrow after tender briefing. Thanks friend at least tomorrow i'll have a visitor to kill time. I felt the night very long, i cant sleep my abdomen is excruciating i called the doctor and again she check me using only the funnel thing gosh even now i still remember the painful. I back to my bed and try to sleep, suddenly the higher doctor came to recheck me and ordered the staff nurse to gave me pain killer pill. Still painful but i can sleep.

23/03/2009 MONDAY

I woke up around 6.00am, when i stand up i felt something big chunk go out and I feel relief cause the pain disappeared but deep down my mind told me that this maybe part of the fetus and i know already that i lost our baby. I went to toilet take a bath and put the thing in plastic and after that i gave it to staff nurse and later she send to lab for confirmation. Oh gosh what else will i face operation or dilatation & curettage (D & C), just wait the result from lab and specialist action. Around 8.00am i took my breakfast even the doctor warn me to fasting huahuahua i really hungry and 8.30am the specialist came along with 5 doctors to check my condition and i told him about what happened this early morning and he ask me to prepare for another scanning and cervix check. OMG i have to face the long scan and funnel thing again arghhhh do i have any choice? The specialist told me i experience incomplete miscarriage, that's mean i'll do the D&C. What a relief at least it's not ectopic i cant imagine to have only one Fallopian tube but i still scared to think of D&C.

My hubby came bring bun and news paper he accompany me until 1.00pm, he ask my permission to leave early for lunch but i know it's just a good excuses to leave me because he cant stand to see me for the D&C procedure. After awhile then my officemate Afi and Aisyah came and we chit chat as usual i share everything the experience i been through. They gave me a good support and advise since they are the last person i see before i went to D&C, my heartbeat getting fast and the journey to the room was very long cause we need an ambulance to go there and when we arrive two women just finished their operation and another two waiting including me....i'm the last person for today. I remember K.Aini said that it's okay we felt nothing during the procedures that's true i felt nothing what i realize they woke me up when i arrive at my bed and i changed my cloth back and rest. I just felt pain when urinate gee what the pain. When i back i saw my hubby smiling i really miss him i know he too sensitive so i just pretend that everything ok no need to worry i'm fine now. Tonight i'll sleep like snow white.

24/03/2009 SELASA

As usual at 8.30am specialist came along with 5 doctors to recheck my condition i lie them i told no more blood so they released me as early noon, i'm so excited now i can go back home, rest peaceful and i can watch Merlin but as safety if i had flu or bleeding more i must back to HKL. At 1.00pm my hubby came and we back home, Home Sweet Home....Insyallah i'll be fine and alright to whole family and friends thank for all the support and advise. Especially My Hubby thanks for always be my side, concern my healthy, ease my pain, cheering me, help me to pass difficult moments and the most important matter he doesn't care about losing our baby he just want me safe and health. I know how much the baby mean for us, i know he really want child and i know he must be really sad but he didn't show it he just smile all day happy that i'm home. Thanks again my love, i love you, i love you so much.

Accident happened everyday, everywhere and anywhere but i cannot believe that it'll happened to us especially to my condition right now. I remember this one old man emmm not too old but around late 40s and early 50s years old, ran quickly towards and help us, he also volunteered send us to clinic plus he lend us money since the cost rm127 we dont have money that much in hand. We promised to pay him back after this, we're in pain and only want home. The uncle name Mohd.Talib and he sell "Nasi Lemak" near LRT Setiawangsa so it easy to meet him and say thanks again and pay his money back.

The incident happened very fast, my last thing remember was we were laying on the ground and being dragged 2 meter. I moving fast cause i'm worried there will be a cars behind since we had just through traffic light. Well, we know how fast the car will accelerate to release traffic light especially when the light turn yellow to red....if we not get up quick we'll get more injured than now but lucky us there're no cars fuhhh....what a relief.

My hubby want to faint but I could not let he unconscious, it is first aid basics "Do not ever let your victim unconscious" but later i faint in clinic during the nurse wash my wound it's a good timing isn't it?. My hubby got a big hole in his elbow, me? I got too but only a tiny one in my elbow and knee the rest only scratched it was very painful. I know it'll swollen tomorrow but the doctor gave us 2 days leave and we can rest at home. I thought i'll not go to work till next monday. I know my boss will get angry very angry but who cares i know how painful i am and i still need rest..........

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